I: Two Headlines
On local news website KSL.com last month, there were two headlines at the same time that seemed to compliment each other.
One headline:
And a few hours later, the other headline:
Are the people spending the money they don’t have also the same people who are accessing the food bank? Or are these separate parts of the population?
II: Two Anecdotes
First anecdote: I spoke to a neighbor recently, an elderly lady, who told me an interesting story. One of her grandchildren came to visit for a few weeks and stayed at the house. The grandchild is a young adult, mid-20s. After the grandchild left, my neighbor cleaned out her fridge. The granddaughter ate out almost every day, or had food delivered. The granddaughter stuffed multiple styrofoam food containers into grandma’s fridge. Most of the food containers still had plenty of food in them, as if the granddaughter habitually ordered more food than she could possibly eat in a sitting and, after eating half of it, forgot about the food and and never bothered to finish the leftovers before purchasing more food. By the time the granddaughter left, most of the food she’d ordered was growing mold or otherwise inedible and revolting. My neighbor thought this behavior was wasteful and indulgent; she’s not old enough to have been a child of the great depression who was traumatized by living in a period of privation. She just has a bit of common sense and is old enough to remember when eating out was a bit of a luxury for the typical American, reserved for special occasions.
Second anecdote: At the old job, I worked with a guy who was always stressed about money. He’d routinely mutter things like “I know I need to save more for retirement” or “I gotta cut back spending on hobbies.” But he never did change in any meaningful way that I observed. One hobby was customizing his precious truck. He once mentioned he’d spent over $1000 a month on the truck over about year, only realizing this excessive spending after the fact when he tabulated all the receipts and bank statements.
III: A Book Quote
It seems, for whatever my observation is worth, that spending for many people has taken on an almost frenzied quality. Orgiastic, one might say, in the unrestrained hedonism people display in their spending habits. Such as ordering copious amounts of food they never eat, or spending what was at the time not far from a typical mortgage payment on new accessories for a truck that already was, by any standard, opulent.
In the bestselling 1960s book Games People Play, the psychiatrist Eric Berne outlined a theory of ‘transactional analysis’ which identified various ‘games’ people used in their daily lives. Games could be positive, negative, or neutral in their overall tone or effect on our lives. He defined a game as:
[A]n ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome.
Berne observed these games in his practice as a psychiatrist, and noted they occurred in more or less the same form, yet in different settings by different people at different times. So much that Berne uses ‘Black’ and ‘White’ to describe the parties in the games — anyone can play the roles. Games include ‘Alcoholic’; ‘Buzz Off, Buster’ (when a woman flirts with and then rejects a man); ‘Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch’ (escalating minor disagreements into major disputes); and a variety of games seen among criminals and people seeking therapy.
One of the games is called ‘Debtor’:
‘Debtor’ is more than a game. In America it tends to become a script, a plan for a whole lifetime, just as it does in some of the jungles of Africa and New Guinea. There the relatives of a young man buy him a bride at an enormous price, putting him in their debt for years to come. Here the same custom prevails, at least in the more civilized sections of the country, except that the bride price becomes a house price, and if there is no stake from the relatives, this role is taken on by the bank.
The debts are not merely practical, they often give people a sense of meaning. Berne goes on:
“Try and Collect’ (TAC) is commonly played by young married couples, and illustrates how a game is set up so that the player ‘wins’ whichever way it goes. The Whites obtain all sorts of goods and services on credit, petty or luxurious, depending on their backgrounds and how they were taught to play by their parents or grandparents. If the creditor gives up after a few soft efforts to collect, then the Whites can enjoy their gains without penalty, and in this sense they win. If the creditor makes more strenuous attempts, then they enjoy the pleasures of the chase as well as the use of their purchases. The hard form of the game occurs if the creditor is determined to collect. In order to get his money he will have to resort to extreme measures.
Either way, the Whites win the ‘game’. If there is no attempt to collect, they can enjoy their orgiastic spending. If there is an attempt to collect, they have injected drama and meaning into their lives and now have a purpose and a sense of conflict and self-righteousness.
Games People Play is a book I stumbled across in the library decades ago. It is on the list of books that have changed the way I think and view the world. I quickly recognized games I’d seen people play in their lives, and became aware of some games in which I’d participated. Berne also outlines an ‘antithesis’ for each game, a method to identify and avoid getting sucked into each game.
Berne and his book came to mind again recently, reminding me that there may be a deep psychological need being expressed with overspending.
Harrison Wintergreen 